This October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) and the theme of “With Survivors, Always” calls on us to display unwavering solidarity with those who have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV). This commitment to safety, support, and solidarity is vital. A recent training on the CARE Method for treating those responsible for domestic violence suggests something else we need to bear in mind: We cannot fully support the victims of IPV without also effectively treating those who caused the harm. As CARE Method founder Nil Buckley emphasized throughout her training, “If we’re not doing treatment for offenders effectively, we’re not reducing recidivism, and we are not increasing victim safety.”

Understanding the Full Spectrum of Safety

DVAM 2025 emphasizes that IPV often includes emotional, spiritual, and financial harm as well as physical harm. The CARE Method mirrors this view by making clear to all those who have caused harm that there are 24 recognized forms of abuse. Buckley has observed that many offenders in group treatment initially don’t recognize non-physical violence as abuse.

Clients are not always aware that some of their behaviors are abusive. It happens often that clients come into treatment and they say, ‘I’ve never put my hands on that woman. I am not a domestic violence offender.’ They’ll say it while also describing patterns of financial control, emotional manipulation, or spiritual abuse. – Nil Buckley

Buckley notes common patterns that emerge during evaluations:

A common thing I hear, especially when I am exploring the relationship risk factors, are aspects of the relationship that we explore to understand if it’s been a pattern in the relationship history. It includes things like name-calling, monitoring their partner’s cell phone, excessive jealousy, and accusing their partners of infidelity without having evidence of infidelity.

By teaching clients to recognize and take responsibility for the full spectrum of their harmful behaviors, the CARE Method protects victims from the reoccurrence of IPV that might otherwise go unaddressed or even escalate over time.

The Long Journey of Change

Helping IPV survivors heal from the trauma and treating those who caused the trauma involves ongoing work. For survivors, this means receiving support in all aspects of their lives. The CARE Method extends this understanding to the change process for those who have harmed others. Many people who have used violence have histories of being abused or witnessing family violence in their childhood. This doesn’t excuse their choices to harm others, but if we want lasting safety for survivors, we need interventions that create lasting change in those who have caused harm.

Building Accountability Through Community

DVAM emphasizes that community connection strengthens advocacy efforts. The CARE Method creates this through structured group sessions where group members hold each other accountable. In one telling example, Buckley describes requiring group members to use “I” statements rather than “we” statements when discussing their violent incidents. When someone says, “We got into a fight,” they’re subtly sharing blame with their victim. When forced to say, “I became violent,” they must own their choices.

One of the things we say to our clients is that they have to use “I” statements when answering the homework exercises. We don’t use “we” statements. [In one group session] I said to one member, “As you’ve been reading your homework, I noticed that your answers began with ‘we’ statements.” Then I asked the group, “What were you guys visualizing in your minds when you were listening to him?” They said, “He and the victim.” And I said, so it’s really important that when you do this homework, you are utilizing ‘I’ statements because I’m working with you and your behavior.

Peer group discussion and feedback often create what Buckley calls “magical” moments—when people who’ve progressed in the program challenge newcomers who are still minimizing or denying their responsibility.

The Uncomfortable Truth

The CARE Method’s emphasis on treating clients with dignity while maintaining strict accountability is about creating conditions where real change becomes possible. Dehumanizing or merely warehousing those who cause harm may satisfy our anger, but it doesn’t create the transformation needed to protect future victims.

This understanding aligns with the Good Lives Model approach that Safer Society has long supported: focusing on building better lives rather than solely managing risk factors. When people who have caused harm develop healthy ways of meeting their fundamental human needs, they’re less likely to meet those needs by harming others.

This October, as we stand in solidarity with survivors, we might also consider how effective intervention with those who cause harm is itself an act of survivor support. Survivors deserve a future free from violence. And that future requires transforming, not just responding to violence, but preventing it from happening again.

Professional Development Resources

For mental health professionals seeking to enhance their skills in this area, Safer Society’s Continuing Education Center offers relevant training opportunities:

• Applying the CARE Method to Treat Those Who Have Committed Domestic Violence – Evidence-based approaches including the CARE Method
• Recognizing and Intervening in Domestic Violence and Abuse
• Supervising Professionals Who Work with Domestic Violence: Ethical Considerations
• Coercive Control in Sexual and Domestic Violence
• Treating Intimate Partner Violence